I have this cool internship at a publishing house that’s like an unpaid version of my dream job, most of the time. On average days, I read all day long in a comfy chair whilst drinking a hot beverage. One of the major perks of interning there is that I get my hands on their newest books by both novice and established authors. I also get to sit around a conference table and listen to the editors talk about everything they’re reading, what they like and don’t like, all the while making mental notes to later add to my reading list. My scope of notable modern authors has increased dramatically since being there. To emphasize: it’s an absolute dream.
One of my most recent favorites and one of their newest titles, This is Between Us, by Kevin Sampsell, is a beautifully honest and extremely raw look at romance, but before I continue, base on our readership, I feel strongly that I should note this book is not for everyone. I used the term “raw” on purpose. I absolutely think that Sampsell is communicating profound truths about romantic relationships and portraying a version of romance and women that so many writers, particularly male writers I have read, fail to do. I loved this book. That being said, read some reviews and write-ups before you delve in. I wouldn’t be surprised if some of our readers took offense to the way Sampsell chooses to communicate, which happens to segue nicely into what I want to talk about.
Sampsell’s semi-autobiographical novel closely examines the first five years of a couple who first met and started dating when both partners were married. This is a questionable start to a relationship and the narrator doesn’t attempt to justify infidelity. The approach to marriage within the novel is one that is widely accepted. In the novel, two people were unhappy in their marriages and sought out happiness elsewhere. Once together and happily divorced, they recognize their own personal views on marriage: they don’t really see the point, and neither one of them care to make such a permanent commitment though they love one another. This is an important frame for understanding the context of the novel.
As a reader, this is not something I agree with; my beliefs about marriage are completely opposite, but to discount a novelist because of differing views on love, marriage, or even morality, is not doing you any favors. One thing I love about reading novels is that it allows me to experience things I wouldn’t otherwise; I’m able to learn lessons gleaned from distinct situations that I wouldn’t necessarily encounter organically, or that I have not yet experienced. I can understand the depths of a character’s beliefs and perspectives without having them in common. Not only does this type of reading give way to a greater perspective on the people you may interact with, it also sharpens and allows me to truly examine my own beliefs.
Most people I know, myself included, were raised by parents who shared their beliefs with their children in hopes that they would share them. As an adult, I believe many of the same things as my parents. Though even in the perspectives we shared, it was not enough for me to simply adopt them; I had to learn on my own. I have learned a lot of lessons in my life that allowed me to come to conclusions about my beliefs by experiencing them first hand, but when I think about some of the most formative things I’ve learned in the past 3-4 years, a lot of them haven’t come from experiences. They’ve come from books.
Sampsell’s book reinforced my own views on marriage, because I was able to experience, through his characters, the inevitable pain that comes through approaching a commitment without intentions of truly committing, but what stuck with me more than that is how much Samspell’s honest portrayal of marriage made complete sense to me. It made me feel supported in my individual struggles, it forced me to shake off the honeymoon phase and look honestly at my relationship that takes work every single day. I have come back to underlined sentences in that book at least once a week since I’ve read it. He tells you things that you’re definitely not going to hear in church or at bible college, but that maybe you should.
The point is, I loved the portrayal of not-so-romantic-romance in this book. I loved Sampsell’s writing. You should know your limits. I’m not recommending anyone read 50 Shades of Gray to “challenge” yourself, but I think there is a beautiful gift in literature as it allows us to grow and expand ourselves and be challenged in ways we wouldn’t otherwise.
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